


Before You Met Me

by HonestlyJustHereForALaff



Series: Spectrum [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Canon Compliant, First Meetings, M/M, POV Third Person Limited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 05:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17318597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonestlyJustHereForALaff/pseuds/HonestlyJustHereForALaff
Summary: Blaine and Kurt's first meeting, exactly as it happened in the show, with no changes.But just so you know, Blaine was autistic the whole time.





	Before You Met Me

**Author's Note:**

> If only Autism Speaks wasn't such trash, then I could call this "My Missing Puzzle Piece". Anyway, hopefully this will be the first in a series. I'm currently self-diagnosed, seeking an official diagnosis, and I also recently got back into Glee. Since I've taken to trying to spot characters who could easily be written as autistic with only one line of exposition, I was expecting Brittany, but was surprised that I also found it easy to see in Blaine. He's definitely not the kind of autistic character that usually gets written, which was why I knew I had to write this and prove my point. The words spoken and actions will be exactly the same, we'll just be diving into Blaine's mind a bit more, and adding a few missing scenes as needed for context. Enjoy!

If anyone were to ask Blaine Anderson if he got nervous before performing, he would say that he absolutely did not. And he’d be telling the truth, no matter how meaningfully someone would point to him constantly adjusting his jacket before a show.

It just wasn’t the whole truth.

Even with the reassurance that Dalton had a zero-tolerance policy, Blaine still only felt comfortable coming out of one closet. Being gay was one thing--a good third of the student population was gay. Of course it was. Dalton had a certain appeal for openly queer kids in a less-than-accepting town. No one here treated him any different for it.

But they definitely would if they knew he was autistic.

He didn’t even really mean bullying, though that was definitely a concern. But more often, it was pity, and talking down to him. Even if they’d known who he was for a long time, the minute he told people that, he suddenly became a helpless child, in their eyes. Someone who needed to be talked to in that soft parenting tone, who couldn’t make his own decisions, who needed every last joke or metaphor or subtlety drawn out on a chalkboard before he could get it.

He was sick of it. Never again.

He’d known what he was getting into, not telling anyone. It meant he couldn’t get extended time on tests in a quiet room, or wear noise-canceling headphones in class. It meant that if he got too overwhelmed and had to sign instead of talk, he had no guarantee anyone would understand him.

But it also meant he finally had friends. No one treated him with kid gloves. No matter where he went at Dalton, he wasn’t Blaine the autistic kid, or Blaine the gay kid.

He was just Blaine. Sometimes, Blaine the lead singer of the Warblers, which was totally fine by him.

Performing was the one thing that had always kept things even. In a conversation, or a relationship, he felt like the rules were different every time, and he was always three steps behind. But on stage, there were clear rules. He had to hit the right notes, say the right words, do the right moves, and get the crowd excited. Those were the rules, every time. And knowing that, he could relax, have fun, be more himself than he ever felt, even when he was alone in his room.

The rules were a little bit different today, though. He always needed a little extra preparation for these surprise shows. He wasn’t up on a stage anymore, the audience would be all around him. He had no control over how close they got, or how they smelled, or if they’d sing along. It would be so easy to get overwhelmed.

If anything made him nervous, it was that. Not performing, not being in front of an audience, but the sensory overload sending him into a meltdown. 

And then everyone would know.

He’d been quiet almost all day, in preparation. He was rushing down the stairs to the Commons, playing with a pocket watch and the strap of his bag to keep his focus. His glance automatically turned when he saw a jacket with no red on it at all, but he quickly looked away. He couldn’t get distracted, he needed to--

“Excuse me.”

Crap.

He didn’t let that show on his face, though, just turned to Wrong Jacket and hoped it would be quick.

That is, until he saw his face. Then he hoped it wouldn’t be quick at all.

This boy was _cute_. Soft voice, soft hair, soft smile. He’d always been drawn to soft things.

“Can I ask you a question? I’m new here.”

Oh crap, he’d been staring, hadn’t he? He dropped his eyes, partly from embarrassment and partly because of all that eye contact. Soft eyes. 

“My name’s Blaine.” The words and his hand came out without thinking. He’d messed up, that wasn’t the right response. He was supposed to say something like, “Sure, what’s up?”, but he’d been caught off guard and defaulted back to his damn script.

Wrong Jacket seemed confused for a moment, too, and just when Blaine was going to run, he finally took his hand and shook it. Soft hand. Just enough pressure. “Kurt.”

A pause. Blaine wondered if he should say something, but he didn’t know what. He wanted to keep talking, though. Luckily, Kurt asked the magic question: “So, what exactly is going on?”

“The Warblers!” It just burst out, he’d been so excited to have a comfortable topic of conversation. He recovered quickly, though, he couldn’t quite keep up the eye contact. “Every now and then, they throw an impromptu performance in the Senor Commons.” He looked back at Kurt for a second, remembering to smile and even giving a half-wink, but then he had to look away again. “Tends to shut the school down for a while.”

Kurt’s face was...unreadable. He expected him to act relieved, because he had his answer, or maybe curious, still. He should be smiling, his eyes should be brighter. 

But instead, he frowned deeper, looked confused. Blaine instantly replayed everything he’d said, looking for the problem. It was the eye contact, he should have tried harder. No, maybe it was the half-wink. Maybe he was just giving off that vibe, the one that made people give him a second look even if they didn’t know--

“So, wait, the glee club here is kind of cool?”

Kind of? Blaine felt himself tense. Defensive. He kept his smile, but he heard his tone get a bit harder, even though he tried not to. “The Warblers are like...rock stars.”

Kurt’s eyebrows raised, and his eyes got softer. Blaine didn’t know why. He wanted to know why, but the hallway was getting so loud, and people kept brushing past him, and he was still looking into Kurt’s soft, bright eyes.

He needed to go. If he didn’t go, he’d have to spend the rest of tonight recovering, and he didn’t have time for that. He had homework, and songs to go over. He couldn’t afford a shutdown right now.

But he couldn’t just leave Kurt. He had so many thoughts, questions, observations, all having to do with him, and just because he couldn’t organize and make sense of them now didn’t mean he wouldn’t. Because he really, really wanted to.

“Come on.” Eye contact was broken, which meant looking at his hand. He took it in his, instantly. Soft hand. “I know a shortcut.” Without another word or another look, he started running with Kurt.

It wasn’t a shortcut. That had been a lie. He was going in a big circle around the Senior Commons. Understandably, nobody went this way to get to the surprise shows, which was exactly why Blaine liked it. He was always the last to get to these things, and he’d told the Warblers he did warm-ups before the show. Had a ritual. Not a lie. It gave him a moment of calm and quiet, so he could be ready for the show.

Now, it was quiet, but he wasn’t really calm. His heart was pounding, and his brain kept screaming What are you doing? over and over. He’d just grabbed some random kid and was running him around the school when he should be taking his time, walking slowly, taking deep breaths. Instead, he was jogging, and his breath caught every time Kurt’s hand shifted in his.

He knew he was a touchy guy. Some people like him got overwhelmed by touch, and that was sometimes true for Blaine, too, but mostly, he craved it. Sometimes he couldn’t figure out how to say the right thing, or anything at all. Touching people he liked was much easier, and he already liked Kurt. 

A surprising thought, but he was at the Commons before he could think about it too much. The doors opened, and the sounds hit him like a tidal wave. Voices on top of voices, the squeaking of leather and wood as people got adjusted, the practice notes of his fellow Warblers--

He couldn’t look. He turned around, facing Kurt. Narrow his focus, that always helped.

Kurt was glancing around, and looked...nervous? Why would--

“Ooo, I stick out like a sore thumb.”

Oh right, his outfit. Where was his uniform? He felt like he knew, the answer was obvious, but later. He’d put it together later. For now, he’d leave it.

But he hated seeing anyone else look nervous. “Well, next time, don’t forget your jacket, new kid.” He touched his lapel--soft--and looked up. 

Kurt looked a bit startled, looked down at his lapel, his mouth open in...shock? Offense? Disgust? Blaine then realized how it might sound--maybe like he was teasing him. He couldn’t tease Kurt, that was obvious. Why was it obvious? God, his thoughts were racing. Kurt, he remembered. Focus on Kurt. Comfort Kurt. 

“You’ll fit right in.” Smile, touch, maybe try the half-wink again?

It took a second, but a smile blossomed on Kurt’s face. A rush of pride went through Blaine. There was something about Kurt, something at the back of his mind. He wanted to try his hand at a question, or wait, maybe he should let Kurt say something?

His thoughts were brought to a halt by the familiar starting notes. He had to jump in quick, but he couldn’t be rude, so he quickly tossed his bag aside and blurted out, “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

_Now, if you’ll excuse me? What is this, the ninteenth cent--_

He forced his thoughts off the only way he knew how. Singing.

“ ** _Before you met me, I was alright_** ” 

His friends. Here. Smiling. Focus.

“ ** _But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life_** ”

Jake walked past him, bobbing a bit, and Blaine found himself mirroring him subconsciously. Was that weird? Not part of the choreography. He did something with his hands. Excess energy. Shake it off.

He was getting worked up. Focus, focus, focus.

“ ** _Now every February, you’ll be my valentine_** ”

He was usually good at finding a spot to focus on, when he got like this. But the crowd was covering the walls, the tables, the couches, everything that would help. He needed something that was staying still, something familiar--

His eyes landed on Kurt. Not moving. Familiar.

Soft.

“ ** _Valentine_** ”

He smiled. Nodded. He even made a little heart with his hands. Just a show, he told himself. And it made Kurt smile, so it worked.

Luckily, they went into the steps. The familiar two-step, and he knew exactly when to pause. He was starting to relax, now that he had a focal point. Since it was a person, though, he found he had to look away more than usual.

Which was a shame, because Kurt went back and forth between looking awestruck, and smiling like the sun. 

Praise be to the Warblers for making him look so, so cool right now.

All too soon, the song ended, and he knew what was coming next.

A wave of people, all crowding around, talking over each other, touching him. It wasn’t bad, not at all, just...overwhelming.

He kept his smile, but his eyes kept seeking out Kurt when it got to be too much. Awestruck again. He’d have to think of something cool to say to keep that look on his face.

At one point, though, he turned to find him again, and he was gone. Just disappeared. It threw him, and he just stared at the spot for a moment.

“Yeah, he ducked out pretty quick, huh?”

Blaine almost jumped, and turned to see David. When had he gotten so close?

“Oh, um...who?” Blaine tried, but David just gave him a look.

“You tell me. What’s his name?”

Blaine sighed. “Kurt.” People were starting to file out, now that the performance was over. Thank God.

“Think that’s his real name?” Wes had joined in now, and all the Warblers seemed to be at attention.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Blaine laughed, assuming it was some kind of joke, but no one else was smiling.

“Because he was obviously a spy, Blaine,” Wes said.

“What?” He looked around again, but no one else seemed confused. “No, he wasn’t, he just forgot his jacket.”

“If he forgot his jacket, the whole day, he’d be in detention right now, not out listening to us,” Trent pointed out.

Blaine blinked. They were right. Uniform was everything here. Even if he lost his jacket or tie, they’d make him borrow one of the sweaters from the main office for the rest of the day. God, how could he have been so blind? Was this the moment, where everyone realized no one could be that stupid and they started--

A hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, he saw it was Thad. He was smiling, as was everyone else. He feared condescension, but they actually looked sort of...amused? Oh God, were they going to laugh at him?

“It’s alright, Blaine,” Thad said. “Everyone gets taken in by some pretty eyes sometimes.”

Oh. They thought he had a crush on Kurt.

Which he didn’t, of course. Especially since it might not even be his real name, for God’s sake.

He just smiled, though, and shoved his hand off playfully. “Shut up, no one took me in.”

“Uh huh,” He said, as a few of the members finally laughed

“We are going to have to talk to him, though,” Wes said, which brought the serious tone back. “Did you tell him anything?”

That sent a thrill of panic through Blaine, and he took a second to think. “Um...yeah, no, not really. He just asked if we were cool.”

“You better hope you said yes, Anderson,” Jeff grinned.

Blaine mirrored it. “I told him everyone was cool except Jeff.”

Jeff pouted and threw a backgammon piece at him, and everyone burst into laughter. Blaine knew it wasn’t that funny, but he for him, part of it was relief that he hadn’t ruined everything. Maybe that was why everyone else was laughing, too?

“Alright, alright,” David finally said as everyone started to calm down. “So, we still need to talk to Kurt. Thad, find a list of members for all the glee clubs in the area, see if any of them have a Kurt. If you find him, then me, Wes, and Blaine will talk with him.”

Blain frowned. “Why me?” He was used to having a bit more control than a Junior Member should, but he was still never involved in Council things, and this definitely seemed like a Council issue.

“He knows you. He might be more likely to open up, that way,” David explained.

“Giggity.” Nick tried to be quiet, but everyone heard.

Blaine threw the backgammon piece on the ground at Nick this time, the giggling started again, and the tension was officially broken.

Blaine wondered if he’d really be seeing Kurt again.

Or if he even wanted to.


End file.
